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Interview with a Vampire
Meeting the Count

For this part of the review, I was fortunate in being able to interview one of the Grand Vampires.

Firstly, as Cilla would ask, what's your name and where do you come from?

I am Count Skylar Sim, I am one of the Grand Vampires and I haunt the different community lots downtown to find some fresh blood. Muahahaha.

Those were a couple of bad puns there. Does this mean that you don't do your shopping in the residential community or on campus?

No. There are plenty of willing people who wish to have the "dark gift" Downtown so I have no need to travel away into the residential community or onto campus. I only travel away from Downtown on a personal invitation and after dark only. The other undead can carry on our work in those places.

Your name seems rather bland. Couldn't you and the Countessa not come up with anything more exotic like Count Vlad Tepes Dracole or Countessa Camilla Karnstein, who are both infamous vampires from literature and screen?

We take the names we are given by our creator. We have many names but always adopt a similar form.

That was quite cryptic. Do you have trouble with people wanting to be the next Buffy and stake you?

The only vampire hunters I find are those who want to become vampires themselves or want something to put in their snapshot album. Talking of photographs, we do get a buzz from taking our own photographs in the photo booth. Also, there are no stakes ... and not even any steaks either. I'd have mine raw. Dripping with blood.

Ewwww. So how do you find your willing victims?

I stalk my prey and then befriend them until they trust me. Some people are easier than others, especially those with a quest for knowledge. Then I hypnotise them and give them the kiss of the vampire. Do you wish to become a vampire?

Not yet, but thanks for asking. I would like to know more, however. What are the good points about being a vampire?

We don't age and are therefore immortal. We can transform ourselves into bats, which allows us to fly over objects that are in the way. Our needs do not decay during the hours of darkness. This means we can party all night long without needing to rest. Also, any vampire can make someone else a vampire. We also have attractive dental work, red eyes and a grey pallour to our skin.

That sounds quite nifty. Not so keen on the skin colour, though. Are there any downsides?

Our needs decay more rapidly during daylight hours. Even if we are indoors and even sat in our cars, our needs do go down more quickly. Exposure to sunlight is extremely hazardous. If we are exposed to sunlight for too long, we combust and die. Those fortunate ones in the paranormal career track can in fact resurrect us but I did hear of a late vampire's next-of-kin being quite tightfisted and the vampire returned but as a zombie vampire. His stalk just isn't the same with the shambling gait of a zombie.

So vampires really should give up their day job?

Some of us have made that choice. Vampires sometimes have to take what work they can, even if it is menial work such as tending bar. Vampires should get a higher rate of pay for having to cover the nightshift. It's so demeaning. What other counts do you know who tend bar?

I don't know any other counts. When you do need to eat or drink, do you live on a diet of blood?

No, we eat normally. What gave you that ridiculous idea? You'll be saying that we sleep in coffins next.

You do sleep in coffins, don't you?

Yes, that is true but is not mandatory. Even mortal sims can sleep in a coffin now. However, our coffins prevent our needs decaying in daylight hours. People have been known to try and peek in at us as we sleep. It is not unknown, however, for us to try and scare the living daylights out of them.

Another bad pun. Changing the subject again, if two vampires wanted to have a baby, would that baby inherit their vampirism?

No. They are born as mortal sims, alas. If they wish to follow the immortal life, that is their choice. Teen vampires can choose to go to university, and I'm sure the university officials will not mind if they bring their coffin with them.

Let us suppose I became a vampire and then got bored with it. Could I become mortal again?

Unfortunately, yes, although why you would not want to stay a vampire eludes me. That gypsy matchmaking woman has a Vamprocillin-D which is a special potion you can buy from her that will return you to your normal bland sim state.

And with my choice to remain normal and the first rays of the new day peeking over the horizon, thankyou, Count, for this interview.

It is my pleasure. I do hope I get the opportunity to meet you again. You have my telephone number and email address. Call me sometime, but not until after dark.

Daylight Comes

And there you are. Personally, I find vampirism just to be part of this EP's weirdness in the same way that zombies were the weirdness from University albeit with a lot of new features. Without meaning any disrespect to the Count, they can have a place in the movies and photoalbums of the storytellers but I can't see them regularly having a place in normal simlife.

Written at 04:38 on Saturday 24 September 2005 by Andy.

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