10.18pm - The housemates are in the lounge waiting for Will Wright to announce who is in third place when they see an unfamiliar face.
Johnny - Is this a last minute technical fault?
Harry - Is that a REAL person?
Hilary - I thought they only existed in fairytales.
Johnny - Oh my God, it's a player!
Sim Brother (A) - Hello, housemates. I am Sim Brother. In the real world, which is where I live, I am called Andy and I am the one who has been directing Sim Brother over the past five years. Ultimately, all of your moves and how you are being portrayed at TSZ has been down to me.
Hilary - You're the one I called "nice Sim Brother" until you were a meanie.
Andy - This is the first time I have made myself known to the house and it will also be the last time. I am here this evening to congratulate you for being the final three housemates and to thank you for your contributions to this final series of Sim Brother.
Johnny - Until you start Sim Brother VI, though.
Andy - Johnny, after the winner is crowned tonight, there is not going to be another series. You are the last three housemates.
Hilary - But why? I don't understand. I thought this was one of the major attractions at TSZ? Don't you enjoy running the show anymore?
Andy - Hilary, it takes me weeks to prepare a new series. After that, I have to be committed for 7 weeks to sit down every night and write out a daily report for the viewers. This involves writing it, selecting the proper footage and also to ensure everything is slotted into the right place. Then I also have to do the same thing for the eviction interviews. This takes a lot of time. Effectively, 10 weeks of my life are tied up with this series. The viewers get this for free. Those involved with Sim Brother are unpaid.
Harry - So you have run all the three series of Sim Brother out of the goodness of your heart?
Andy - Yes, Harry, and it is FIVE series of Sim Brother.
Harry - If I get something given to me or done for me for free, I say thankyou. It's the only fair and decent thing to do.
Johnny - Surely, though, your inbox should be crammed full of fanmail and letters of thanks and congratulations and requests and suggestions?
Andy - Before the series began, I had someone who was interested and had a couple of ideas. The Pets task and the Brick tasks were both ideas I had thought of but he also suggested them. I don't know if he is still following the series but I promised that I'd mention him ...
Hello and thankyou, Nathan Penman!
Hilary - Surely you've got more than that.
Andy - Apart from Nathan at the beginning, there have just been three comments to the 59 news items already posted announcing nightly reports, eviction interviews or "Cats Eyes", which is our sister show that ChEeTaH runs. Three comments. One was from someone who just wished to inform us how into the sims they were, the second was from someone who thought we should be covering other things and not Sim Brother but the third from Gerardo was more positive, said how much he loved the show and asked when the next eviction was going to be. To recap, just three comments to 59 news items posted so far. Perhaps I might get some comments to tonight's news items but I am not living in hope.
Hilary - Awww, that's not fair. You should get more than that. If I didn't get any fanmail, I'd feel dejected, wonder what was the point in doing my job and I'd probably just quit.
Andy - That is the opinion of a lot of people at TSZ. It does not take much effort to write a quick "thankyou" to news items or to download pages and as we are not paid, appreciation does mean a great deal to us. After the conclusion of the winner's interview, that is it for Sim Brother. The opportunity to commend or condemn Sim Brother was there in the form of reply boxes on all news items about the show. The usual inclusion of downloads of your likenesses and that of the house which has followed every series is also being put on hold. As nobody has commented on the show or asked about these, it can only be concluded that they are not interested in any produce from the series.
Hilary - I appreciate what you've done. I might not have always liked what you did but you and your other Sim Brothers have always been here for us.
Andy - Thankyou, Hilary. I was them as well. Unfortunately, Helen Mirren (HM) and James Earl Jones (JEJ) were unable to really be part of the show and ChEeTaH (C) allowed me to use his name under license.
Johnny - That sounds as though you've got a split personality.
Andy - I've been described many ways, but that's a new one on me, Johnny.
Harry - I understand and respect your decision. I'd do the same if I was in your position.
Hilary - You should have charged the public to watch this.
Andy - TSZ does not function like that, but looking back, I wish that perhaps I had. It may have given me more incentive and at least some knowledge of how many people were actually interested.
Johnny - May I ask a question?
Andy - Surely.
Johnny - If you are real, does that mean that we are just ... sims?
Andy - Yes.
Johnny - After I leave here, do I have a family on the outside to go back to?
Andy - No. I do not have a sim of Vanessa Paradis or your children or your home for you to go back to. You will end up in the blue void that is known as the Sim Bin.
Harry - And that goes for me too and Hilary?
Andy - Yes. This means you all are free to have whatever relationships you wish to have when this is all over. It is again down to me as I am your player.
Johnny - This is going to take some adjusting to. I guess we'll have to play along that we're still the real people until the end, ok?
Andy - Otherwise I might delete you, yes. Seriously, I have got quite attached to you all and I do not really want that to happen. I'd like to see what happens next to you. See you all later in Simpleton Magnus.
Yes, that was the last series of Sim Brother. I do not wish to sound harsh but this has to be said.
For the one or two of you who might be asking if there is going to be a Sim Brother VI, I'm not wasting my time creating it and writing it and I expect you not to waste your time asking for it. You did not bother to make comments after any news posts about "Sim Brother" or "Cats Eyes" so why should I bother writing another series?
Staff at TSZ are unpaid and do this voluntarily and with the lack of comments to news items announcing the latest daily report or special articles, I have indeed wondered why I have bothered. Staff do get mail from you, and the majority of which is asking for our serial numbers as you have "lost yours". You only seem to contact us when you want something, not when you feel that we have done a good job.
I have finished this series disheartened by the lack of appreciation that has been shown to the work that has been done with Sim Brother V. All I have got is my own self-satisfaction that I have finished five series of Sim Brother and not quit before the end like some "pretenders" do.
I had hoped to retire with a feeling of contentment and feeling that it was a "job well done" and that the work I had done and all of the other staff members who contributed was appreciated by the viewers.
Sim Brother will not get back to you. That's it.
Dag dag!
