Tonight, my part in proceedings is to lull the housemates into thinking that this is going to be a normal eviction night whereas in fact things are not going to be as it seems.
The housemates are going to be led to believe that the one who received the most votes is being evicted from the show and ending their part in the series. In fact, it is the person with the least votes and they are going to be hidden somewhere in the gardens.
"What about the one who got the most votes?" I hear you cry. Democracy will prevail. He or she will be lulled into a false sense of security that the majority of voters want them to stay. They will be evicted. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow but very soon. They won't know what hit them.
The housemates are all in the boardroom so they can't see a thing. Sim Brother is piping in music and crowd noises so they can't hear a thing either.
You might have noticed that I am not in the studio. No, this is not my dressing room or my luxury apartment.
Last week, eight housemates were crammed into this area. Now, it is decked out as a glamorous bacherlor - or bachelorette - pad. With a beautiful "Playboy" doublebed, all the latest in high-tech gadgetry, a shower and luxury toilet, the resident here will have everything ... almost.
There is a catch. The hider must be able to eat and also keep the place clean and there is no refrigerator or cooker here. Also, they may be called on to do special mini-missions for Sim Brother. They have access to many of Sim Brother's surveillance cameras but not all of them. They have to do all of this without their being detected. Success in this mission means that they are immune from facing the public vote next week. Failure in the mission means that they must return to the house immediately.
I am going to return to the studio and from there, I am going to call the house and inform them of the vote. In the meantime, this is what the housemates have been doing today.
It's Day 15 in the Sim Brother house. Seven of the eight housemates have now completed two weeks in the house.
9.21am - Gordon has slept in the garden on one of the loveseats. Harry has made himself pancakes and is talking with Mia. Johnny is playing "punch you, punch me" with Snoop, who seems to have forgotten to dress. Hilary seems distracted.
11.02am - Snoop, who has got dressed, is freestyling in the kitchen and has attracted quite an audience.
Snoop - Recover, my brother, with Sim Brother, no other, for eviction, restriction, conviction, my bad diction.
Gordon (to Johnny) - What the **** does that all mean?
Johnny (to Gordon) - Beats me, but it is catchy.
Trisha is playing pool. Apart from Jack, who is in the shower, she is the only housemate not entranced by Snoop.
2.56pm - Gordon is gossiping to Johnny about Mia, the subject of which we cannot disclose at this time.
Jack is watering and tending to the vegetable plots. The trees are all in a bad state although the vegetable plots are quite healthy.
4.43pm - Fire breaks out in the kitchen. Gordon's cooking ignited and caused general pandemonium before the sprinklers kicked in and doused the flames and put out the fire, leaving a large puddle behind, soaked housemates and one very distraught chef who seemed to suffer a psychotic episode.
Gordon - Three Michelin stars, I have three Michelin stars and I can't even cook a TV dinner. I'm ******* ruined. I've ******* lost it all. I'm a ******* waste of space.
11.55pm - There are the housemates now sat in the boardroom patiently waiting for the news of who is going to be the next person to go. Sim Brother has been piping in the best hits of Lily Allen to keep them entertained for the last two hours. It is now time to talk to the house and disinform them of who is going to be evicted.
Will Wright - Sim Brother house, this is Will.
All - Hi, Will.
WW - Harry, Hilary, Jack and Johnny, you have all been facing the public vote this week. The poll is now closed. The votes have been counted, checked and rechecked by an independent assessor. The second person to leave the Sim Brother house will be ...
I'm coming to get you!
The second part of tonight's fake eviction will be coming up shortly and we'll find out how the housemates have reacted to this news. For your information, the person who will be evicted in a few days time is on the right.
See you later.
